By Allyson Widdis
The Family Service Centre is looking to expand a program where volunteers befriend isolated families.
“Everybody needs a good resource network, somebody they can call on, especially in times of stress or trouble,” says Family to Family Ties program manager Gus Fraser.
“What we’ve found is that a lot of people don’t have that.”
Isolated families who participate in the program are typically single parents or immigrants with few friends or relatives in the area.
They are partnered with families who live nearby and have children around the same age. Partnerships last from a year to 18 months and involve a weekly phone call and an outing together at least once a month.
Currently there are 10 partnerships, but Fraser would like to see that increase to 20, and eventually 40, if the money is available and enough volunteer families can be found.
“Struggling families are easy to find. They’re all over the place,” he says, adding that finding families who have the time to commit to the partnerships are harder to come by.
Fraser says there are a lot of eager volunteers in Ottawa but there is also a lot of competition for their time and energy with other volunteer organizations.
Potential volunteer families go through eight hours of training on everything from poverty and good listening skills, to knowledge of community resources.
Part of the training includes being told not to lend money or to intervene in crisis situations. Before final acceptance they must also submit to a police check.
Participant families, meanwhile, cannot have a history of substance abuse, violence, or mental health problems.
Fraser began the Family to Family Ties program in 1998 after hearing about a similar program started up by a church group in Minneapolis, Minn.
The only other Canadian city to implement such a program is Sask-atoon, which started its program around the same time.
The success of the program is evident through the case of Janice, a single mother of an 8-year-old son, who asked that her last name not be used. She signed up for the program in Sept. 1998, and was paired with a “great” volunteer family this past March.
She says the partnership has been beneficial for both her and her son.
Janice says she now has a couple she can turn to for advice on parenting, and her son has two boys close in age to hang out with.
The boys, ages six and eight, have different interests than her son, who loves sports so “they bring a whole different element to everything . . . new areas of interest, rather than just talking sports all the time.”
Janice says she has also bonded with the wife in the family, who “is so easy to speak to.”
When a distressful situation arose that Janice wasn’t sure how to deal with, she talked it out with her volunteer family who gave examples of their own experiences in a similar situation.
“I got over my feeling isolated, like I’m the only one in this situation,” she says. “It happens to two-parent families too.”
Janice says she was initially apprehensive about signing up, because, as a single parent, she felt that people looked down on her.
“At the beginning of the program, it sounded like I’m the underdog, or I’m the one with the need. I don’t take that very well. I don’t want to be somebody’s special case or project.”
But Fraser says the program is all about equality. It’s about families spending time together and enjoying each other’s company, not one privileged family helping out a needy one.
“I never feel like they think it’s an obligation,” Janice says of her volunteer family. “No one ever really remembers how this (relationship) got started. We’re friends now . . . someone helped us out but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.”
Janice says that single parents like herself shouldn’t be ashamed or embarrassed about participating.
“There’s too much in life that is stressful and burdensome. Swallow your pride and go and enjoy yourself, because these people are just waiting and willing to help,” she says.
“I had to put aside that whole feeling of ‘I don’t want anyone to feel like I really need them.’ You can just say that I want to go have fun.”
Those wishing to participate in the Family to Family Ties program can call Gus Fraser or Jean Halpenny at 725-3601.