By Shauna Rempel
Ottawa may have a reputation as a staid, conservative government town, but it’s also home to a thriving fetish and bondage community.
“There’s all kinds of underground stuff going on,” says an Ottawa woman known as Miss Jenn, who organizes fetish events such as the upcoming Ottawa Fetish and Fantasy Fair.
She personally knows of about 600 BDSM participants in the city, plus more from out of town. Miss Jenn says the interest in alternative sexual lifestyles continues to grow.
“A city the size of Ottawa is bound to have its share of kinksters,” says Shelley Taylor of Venus Envy, a local sex shop for women.
Cindy Cucullo says Ottawa’s white-collar workforce may be behind the city’s secret kinky side. “There’s so much government here,” says Cucullo, owner of Sweet Seductions Lingerie.
Taylor says her store’s top-selling books are BDSM-related.
BDSM includes bondage/discipline, domination/submission and sadomasochism. Fetish is often described as a sexual fixation on an object, body part or scenario.
“A fetish could be anything you want or need to have during sex,” says Miss Jenn. Often the fetish is related to BDSM, such as a fetish for harnesses or rubber clothing.
Studies conducted in the U.S. during the 1990s indicate between five and 40 per cent of people had engaged in a BDSM activity such as spanking.
The interest in BDSM prompted one Ottawa man to write a do-it-yourself guide to making sex toys called The Better Built Bondage Book.
“The book appeals to people who are really into it…and some people who just want to spice up their sex life with a few toys,” says the author, who goes by the pseudonym Douglas Kent.
But don’t expect to see people wearing studded leather dog collars — participants likely don’t look the part, Cucullo says. “You wouldn’t even know. My fetish clientele doesn’t look like they’re into fetish. They come in wearing jeans and t-shirts.”
Taylor says her BDSM customers are of every age and race. “I don’t think I could ever say they are a certain type,”
Kent agrees. “It cuts right through the population. There’s no identifier and predictor of people being into kinky sex.”
Mistress Kay teaches BDSM techniques to couples in Ottawa and says many are interested in spicing up their relationship. “More often than not, one partner has always had an interest in this and the other is trying to understand why,” she says.
Taylor says BDSM and fetishism helps people explore their sexuality.
“It has everything to do with experimenting and keeping things hot,” says Taylor, who has seen acceptance grow in the four years that her Ottawa store has been open. But not everyone accepts alternative sexual lifestyles.
Kent says the stigma surrounding BDSM and fetishes keeps many people close-lipped about their activities. “People don’t feel guilty, but they don’t talk because it can harm them job-wise or socially.”
Miss Jenn holds an office job by day. Although her co-workers know about her second job as a fetish event promoter, she is concerned about her bosses finding out.
She says most of her clients share that concern.
“We’re all worried about who’s working on the Hill or in the office next to you — you know, show up at church and ‘Oh my God I just saw that guy getting tied up at a party,’”
The stigma may stem from misconceptions about BDSM, such as bondage being linked to abuse.
“It has to be safe, sane and consensual,” says Josie, a former professional dominatrix. “You negotiate before playing with someone what you can and can’t do.”
The pain is all relative, Kent says. “It’s akin to eating spicy food. You’re sweating, your eyes are watering from eating these hot chicken wings, but you don’t perceive that as pain.”
Media creates stereotypical images about what fetish and BDSM is about, Kent says. However, he says some people may shed their inhibitions after seeing it in popular culture.
The fetish fair and related events like the Leather and Fetish Luau let first-timers learn what fetishism is about, Miss Jenn says.
Josie thinks the infamy adds to the appeal. “I don’t want to be mainstream. I still want to be different and special from everybody else, but I want people to know that what we’re doing is OK.”
Meanwhile, Ottawa kinksters will continue to quietly go about their business, says Kent.
“It could be the person next to you.”