Leslie Murrell-Wright relaxes in a coffee shop. A few years ago, her crippling social anxiety would have made this scene impossible.
Leslie Murrell-Wright sits comfortably in a crowded coffee shop in downtown Ottawa. Around her, the buzz of chatter adds to the heavy hum of overworked espresso machines. Tables are so close together that arms and elbows nearly graze as patrons raise their steaming cups.
Just a few years ago this all would have been too much for Murrell-Wright.
For most of her life, a crippling fear isolated her from the social world. It robbed her of friendships, kept her from work and confined her to her bedroom.
She was afraid of making a mistake. A mistake that would embarrass her; an unforgiveable social faux pas everyone would notice and laugh at.
When confronted with social situations, her fear of being viewed negatively could elicit severe stomach aches, vomiting, and profuse sweating.
“I couldn’t focus on what I was supposed to be doing," says the 34-year-old. "I would be focused on whether or not I had acne or whether or not I was sweating or whether or not I had stains on my shirt.”
She says she would take great pains to avoid public places. She recalls a time when she would spend an extra hour on the bus, taking a huge detour just to avoid walking through a crowded mall to get from one bus stop to another.
“I was just completely panicky," she said. "I felt like I was jumping out of my skin. I felt like I needed to cry. My heart was racing . . . like I was trapped.”
Though she can remember having social anxiety from as early as age three, it wasn’t until she was 16 that a guidance councillor recognized her anxiety problems and accompanying depression and recommended a psychiatrist.
Her social anxiety disorder wasn’t identified until she was in her 30s.
Dr. Diana Koszycki, director of the stress and anxiety unit at the University of Ottawa Institute of Mental Health Research, says social anxiety disorder affects about eight per cent of the population, yet very few people seek treatment.
She added that existing treatments only target the symptoms of the disorder.
“We’re still not sure what the cause is,” she says.
Koszycki’s department is currently conducting a study that looks at the impact of cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) on the brain function of people with social anxiety.
CBT is a short-term intervention that focuses on changing peoples' anxiety-provoking thoughts. The study helps social anxiety sufferers assess these thoughts and encourages them to confront their fear through graduated exposure to various social situations.
The department plans to launch another study in January that will look at glutamate levels in the brain using MRI scans. Glutamate is a chemical thought to influence anxiety.
Medication regulating possible anxiety-stimulating brain chemicals has been often used as treatment.
Murrell-Wright says she has been prescribed many different sedating medications in the past, but none have helped. Over the last few years, a type of therapy similar to CBT has been helping her cope. She says learning to confront her fear has been the best remedy.
“Now I’m actually engaged in my life,” she says.
Murrell-Wright, who moved to the busy ByWard Market area a few years ago, is currently studying psychology at Carleton University. She says she hopes to pursue a career working either with the elderly or with prison inmates.
“I want to help the marginalized people in society – the people that get forgotten.”