Sitting in a small, quiet café sipping a latte on a weekend morning is one of life's small pleasures. Sprawling out the newspaper on a table to read cover-to-cover. Catching up with a friend without the hectic schedule of the workweek. These are the moments worth relishing. That is, until a gaggle of parents and tots come parading in, SUV strollers and all.
According to the City of Ottawa’s 2003 demographic report, 20-somethings represent 28 percent of the downtown population, the highest concentration of this age group in Ottawa. Centretown was once the bastion of students, artists and ultra-hip professionals.
It is now teeming with a new brand of hipster parents who let their little ones run their lives, inflicting their unruly offspring on the latte-sipping masses.
The idea that children belong everywhere is absurd. There seems to be very little understanding of the concept of “adult time” or “adult space” anymore. Parents bring their kids everywhere and expect to have people and establishments accommodate their every need.
Clashes between parents and non-parents are the result of an upward trend of the birth rate in Canada. According to a 2009 report from Statistics Canada, the number of births by women between the ages of 30 and 34 were the highest among all age groups for the fifth consecutive year.
Researchers also found the largest decrease in births between 2008 and 2009 in women aged 20 to 29. Parents are using most of their 20s to concentrate on their career and social life, putting off child-rearing into their thirties.
Where the idea of parenting was once a top-down, authoritative practice in most hwouseholds, indulgent parents now seem to make up the majority.
Paul Martin is a former Cambridge University behavioural scientist. In his book, Making Happy People. Martin defines indulgent parents as responsive but undemanding and permissive, setting few clear boundaries for their children.
“They often respond to their children’s wishes, even when these are unreasonable or inappropriate,” he says in the book.
“Punishments are seldom threatened, let alone carried through, and the children often appear to have the upper hand in the relationship. Indulgent parents try to be kind, but shy away from conflict or difficulty.”
The idea of extended adolescence is at work here. Traditionally, sociologists define the transition to adulthood with five milestones: completing school, leaving home, becoming financially independent, marrying and having a child.
In 2001, a Canadian study reported that the typical 30-year-old had completed the same number of milestones as a 25-year-old in the early ’70s. As a result of the change in the average age of parents, the idea of what it means to be a parent and methods of doing so have also changed.
The decision to have children is just that: a decision. And while babies don’t come with an instruction manual, society expects them to have read it. Part of that means parents suppressing their impulses to do, go and see everything they want to, and bring the kids along with them.
While public spaces are open to each and every one of us, there needs to be a certain level of decorum so all people can collectively enjoy themselves. That means parents should be making a reasonable effort to make sure their kids aren't bothering other people.
If the child won't behave or sit still on their own, it's up to the parent to take responsibility for this. One of your responsibilities is to know your child and what they are capable of doing.
For those of us tired of free-range parents letting their little ones roam free, there may hope for a quieter ambiance around town.
In her new book Bringing up Bébé, author Pamela Druckerman explores the art of French parenting. While living as an American expatriate in Paris, Druckerman was struck by the comparatively placid, well-rounded demeanor of French children, she endeavors to learn the secrets of French parenting.
Rebecca Dana, senior correspondent for The Daily Beast sums up the French way of raising well-behaved youngsters in her review of Druckerman's book.
“Unlike their American counterparts, French women are not obsessed with their kids,” she says. “They don’t lose themselves in parenting. They do not negotiate, tolerate tantrums, provide excessive snacks, or waste weekends shepherding little ones from soccer practice to birthday parties to kiddie discos.”
There’s a time and place for letting your kids run free, at the park or playground for instance.
But where there are other people in a relatively close environment, letting your child run loose, throw a tantrum and generally be a nuisance is neither the time nor the place.
It’s a matter of respect for those around you.
Even though you might think throwing food or running up and down restaurant aisles is cute, it is most likely that other patrons and staff do not.
So hire a babysitter and take some adult time. After all, it’s tough to be a parent, and everyone deserves a break sometimes.
And everyone around you will appreciate the child-free peace and quiet just as much as you do.