By Naomi Carniol
Ottawa’s small size can be a big problem for Muslims and Jews who are looking for a partner who shares their faith. Christians don’t face the same obstacles.
While 14,000 Jews live in Ottawa, there is a very small pool of Jewish young adults, says Yossi Bokhaut, a fourth-year commerce student at the University of Ottawa.
“I grew up here and went to a Jewish day school and a Jewish high school. So I’ve basically met all the Jews my own age, plus or minus a few years.”
Tamara Fathi is a recent graduate of Carleton University. Like Bokhaut, she only dates Jews and finds it difficult.
“Having grown up here you end up knowing all the Jewish guys your age and even older than you. It gets to the point where you don’t see them in a romantic way.
“And not a lot of Jewish kids come to Ottawa for university, and even if they do, they don’t get involved in the community,” the 23-year-old says.
“It’s starting to get a little bit frustrating.”
Local organizations are trying to help young Jews connect. The Jewish Students Association of Carleton University holds Friday-night dinners And the Ottawa chapter of Alpha Epsilon Pi, a Jewish fraternity, also hosts parties twice a month.
But some students wonder how conducive those events are for meeting someone special.
Bokhaut says the Friday-night dinners are not the best place to meet a potential girlfriend. “When a new girl walks in, she’s surrounded. I’ve never seen so many guys swarm one girl. It can be very off-putting and that could be it — she might never come back.”
People rarely connect at the fraternity parties, Fathi says. “You can see somebody and maybe he’s cute and you can exchange numbers. But does anything actually come of that? No, not normally.”
Bokhaut has had some success with online dating. But when he used a Jewish dating website, he looked at the profiles for women in other cities. “When I did a search in Ottawa I knew most of the girls who were on there.”
Like their Jewish counterparts, some Muslim students say people look outside of Ottawa to find a match.
Most Muslims, if they are religious, won’t date casually.
“If I am interested in getting married I would ask my mother or sister if they have anybody to nominate and if they nominate somebody, I’ll see if it matches what I’m looking for,” says Ahmed Alqadri, 28, past president of Carleton University’s Muslim Students Association.
The search would likely go outside the city, Alqadri says. “You know what type of person you would be interested in marrying and there is a big possibility you won’t find it here.”
To find a spouse, families might use an internet service such as www.matrimonials.com. Or the family might ask a matchmaker for help. The matchmaker will often look outside Ottawa, Alqadri says.
“Of my friends who announced their engagements recently, three of their fiances are not from this city,” Alqadri says.
Like religious Muslims, some Christians don’t date casually. “The ultimate goal of a dating relationship is to see how compatible you are . . ., whether it will eventually turn into marriage,” says Dan Grossman, president of Carleton University’s Church on Campus.
Grossman, 24, only dates other Christians. “My belief system supersedes everything from school to jobs to family. It is the
. . . most important aspect of my life,” he says. “As a result, I can’t be with someone who doesn’t feel the same way.”
Grossman is single. But it wouldn’t be hard for him to find women who share his beliefs, he says.
“I’m actively involved in my local church and we have a large group within my age bracket.”
Every Thursday, the Metropolitan Bible Church on Bank Street runs YA, a young adults night that draws up to 200 people – that’s more than double the amount of people who attend the Jewish Students Association’s Friday night dinners.
The activities run by the church and groups like Campus Crusade for Christ make it easy for young Christians to meet, says Pastor Daniel Winter.
In addition, the boundaries between different branches of Christianity have eroded a bit, at least socially, Winter says. “There used to be a lot harder lines drawn between Protestants and Catholics than there are now.
“It’s not the same as when I was a teenager – when if you were a Baptist you would marry within the Baptist community. I don’t see that as much.”
When looking for a partner, people shouldn’t just consider sense of humour, intelligence or academic background. Faith matters in relationships, Winter says. “It’s important for the couple to be on the same wavelength spiritually for communication between themselves and just to have that bond.”