They say that you're a reflection of who your friends are: those who we naturally gravitate towards because of similar interest, personality, or even physical appearance.
Cst. Khoa N. Hoang
For those reasons and so many more, I've always been very aware of who I surround myself with. This has been my message to young people for years and its importance becomes highlighted during the beginning of school this month.
Special attention should be attributed to friendships during the early years of adolescence (12-15). My experience as a youth counsellor and education in psychology tells me that relationships during the earliest years of adolescence are more intense than any other friendship you make throughout life. These relationships are usually accompanied by strong emotions, and can influence the development of personality and social skills.
After all, picking the right group of friends could have a profound effect on our quality of life. Of course, picking the wrong group of friends could have an equally disastrous affect. I've seen the pendulum swing both ways; people becoming better or worse, affected by the very friends that influence one's decision making.
But the formula for success is never a simple one and there are no guarantees in life. I don't mind sharing with you that some of the most successful friends I have today (the doctors, lawyers, and millionaire business owners) were also some of the most mischievous as a child and throughout adolescence.
No, this isn't your excuse to justify poor behaviour! But it is reason not to lose faith when young people make mistakes. We all make mistakes and the best mentors I've ever had in life have allowed me to fail without ever allowing me to be a failure. This is a very valuable and important part of growing up.
Even yours truly can share some stories about testing the boundaries of society during my earlier years . . . But let’s not go there since I enjoy having something called a job!
So what gives? How can we tell the good kids from the bad ones? How do we ensure that our children meet their potential? How do we avoid the early morning wake-up call from your friendly neighbourhood police officer..?
Obviously, the answer isn’t cut and dry or as easy as picking a particular friend for your little one. Despite the best of intentions, people still have the one thing that makes or breaks us all, free will. No matter how much someone may try to influence decision making, the decision is still left up to the individual to make.
It's important to note that the role of a parent should evolve as quickly as a child grows and successful parents are usually the ones that have already planned for their children’s next stage of development. We may not be able to make decisions for them during conflicts, but we can certainly influence how they prepare for conflicts.
There are many stages of development and I highly recommend parents pick up a book on developmental psychology. It was one of my favourite classes in university and extremely beneficial when preparing for the battles of parenthood, which can feel like an eternity if you’re not winning.
The parent-child social relationship becomes transformed as the child seeks more independence. The importance of structure and rules is an absolute necessity in preparing them for later adolescence. So don’t be afraid to be a parent, they’ll hate you for it now and respect you for it later on. Don’t forget the six or seven years of adolescence is not that long when you consider the rest of their life.
Welcome back to school everyone!